Years of my life I spent captive to sin. Truth is what freed me from the bondage, from my suffering. I knew from early on in my redemption that being honest and transparent is how God would use me to speak to others. As time passed, this has become easier. That is, when I am working on my own cavas.
I have sought truth in the Bible, in prayer and meditation. And God has spoken truth to me through the lips of godly men and women who He has put in my path. These things are the medium with which I paint my life now. The black pigment has bled from the white paint and gray has taken the proper place on my palette. It no longer dominates the landscape.
I stand back and gaze upon the beauty God has brought to my life. Then I feel foolish for thinking this is my masterpiece. It is His painting.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Maestro
I spend so much of my time behind my eyes, conversing with myself, or is it God's Spirit who whispers thought to me? As I step away from my work which has keep my thoughts orderly and channeled for the past two hours, my focus dissolves and I wonder into the chaos that surrounds me. Thoughts are now muddled by the children's' emotional volley between laughter and happiness to argument and crying. All that we need to accomplish today batters my mind and sends the clarity I had honed fleeing. I stretch my mind to try to capture the thoughts before they escape but 'tis little avail. I stop what I am doing, and come to my journal, where I can imprison the thoughts my mind managed to shackle.
God has placed me here in these circumstances because He is my maestro. Since the dawn of time, our God has brought order to chaos. Every note orchestrated into the great symphony of creation. I know it is my sloth and selfishness that creates this chaos around me. And, it is God working out my salvation that will order it into a glorious composition.
But, there is another conductor that craves the artist in me. And sometimes, my ears are distracted from the joyous melody that surrounds me. The shame of the areas of my life in which I feel I am failing causes me to miss a beat or play the wrong note. But I am reminded by music in front of me and the rest of the symphony that plays with me to keep my attention on the maestro. No one plays a piece perfectly the first time they try. You do not fail until you put your instrument down.
God has placed me here in these circumstances because He is my maestro. Since the dawn of time, our God has brought order to chaos. Every note orchestrated into the great symphony of creation. I know it is my sloth and selfishness that creates this chaos around me. And, it is God working out my salvation that will order it into a glorious composition.
But, there is another conductor that craves the artist in me. And sometimes, my ears are distracted from the joyous melody that surrounds me. The shame of the areas of my life in which I feel I am failing causes me to miss a beat or play the wrong note. But I am reminded by music in front of me and the rest of the symphony that plays with me to keep my attention on the maestro. No one plays a piece perfectly the first time they try. You do not fail until you put your instrument down.
Court
This morning, I sit in the court house, waiting to appear before the judge for a momentary lapse of awareness of everything that was happening around me. An intersection I find myself at almost as often as I leave my house became mundane, its crossing a thoughtless task. My mind occupied by things more urgent, my contribution to the festival that would crown my daughters' soccer season. Had I remembered the drinks when I picked up the other things on the list that was etched on a fragment of my brain, that morning would not have found me at the intersection of Bass, East Brianerd and Old Birds Mill. I would have wridden to the soccer field with careful driving husband. And maybe, I would not be sitting here in court today if I had.
Instead, this morning may have found me sitting at my computer or around our makeshift classroom that we rarely use for its intended purpose, dining. But maybe, this morning would not have found me at all. Maybe God erased the drinks from my mental list to direct my paths in a different direction that morning. Maybe, an alternate scenario would have put me or my family in harms way. Maybe, inconvenience and material damage saved my life that day. Or maybe, the 6 months of careful driving that will dismiss my failure to yield citation will guard me in the future. What was lost -- the money, the pristine appearance of my vehicle, the 10 minutes of sanity -- rarely cross the threshold of thought now a days. But, they do today.
We never know what evil God protects us from on a daily basis. What He allows is evident and can nurture or hamper our faith. The real question is, do I believe that God is good and that in that goodness He orchestrates the details of my life for His glory and my salvation? Today, I choose to be grateful that I sit here in a court room with my three precious daughters that God has chosen to renew my lease on.
Instead, this morning may have found me sitting at my computer or around our makeshift classroom that we rarely use for its intended purpose, dining. But maybe, this morning would not have found me at all. Maybe God erased the drinks from my mental list to direct my paths in a different direction that morning. Maybe, an alternate scenario would have put me or my family in harms way. Maybe, inconvenience and material damage saved my life that day. Or maybe, the 6 months of careful driving that will dismiss my failure to yield citation will guard me in the future. What was lost -- the money, the pristine appearance of my vehicle, the 10 minutes of sanity -- rarely cross the threshold of thought now a days. But, they do today.
We never know what evil God protects us from on a daily basis. What He allows is evident and can nurture or hamper our faith. The real question is, do I believe that God is good and that in that goodness He orchestrates the details of my life for His glory and my salvation? Today, I choose to be grateful that I sit here in a court room with my three precious daughters that God has chosen to renew my lease on.
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